Therapy for Relationship Difficulties
You want real, lasting closeness with others, but it feels like you keep recreating the same painful patterns no matter how hard you try. In Austin, TX, and virtually in Texas and PSYPACT states.
Sound familiar?
You crave closeness - - but something keeps getting in the way.
Maybe it's hard to trust that people mean well. Maybe being right feels safer than being open. Maybe nothing less than perfect feels okay, and asking for help just isn't your thing. Maybe you keep it light, using humor to stay likable but out of reach. Maybe you give so much to everyone else that your own needs quietly disappear. Or maybe you keep your distance altogether, because closeness has meant getting hurt before.
Whatever your pattern, it made sense once.
Together, we’ll get curious about your patterns - -where they come from, what purpose they’ve served, and how they are getting in the way. When conflict comes up, we’ll slow it down - - examining what you were thinking and feeling in the moment, and what might have been going on for the other person - - so you can start disrupting your patterns.
Mentalization-Based Therapy
I use Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) to work with relationship difficulties. MBT is an evidence-based, interpersonal approach that helps you construct a more nuanced, flexible, tentative, and values-aligned understanding of your own and others’ thoughts, feelings, and motives.
Our reactions are often informed by assumptions: “Their bad mood must be about me,” or “They should just meet my needs without me having to explain.” MBT slows this process down. It helps you pause, get curious, and ask: What am I actually feeling right now? What might the other person be thinking or feeling? Could there be another explanation?
The ability to slow down and get curious, or to “mentalize,” can break down under stress, in close relationships, or when old emotional wounds surface in new relationships. When this happens, we tend to misread situations, jump to conclusions, or react in ways that don’t quite fit what’s happening.
What the MBT process looks like:
We start by getting curious. Early sessions explore your relationship patterns and how you often interpret others’ intentions.
We slow things down. We pause to explore what might actually be happening - - for you and the other person.
We use real moments as they happen. We attend to what comes up between us in session, and use it to practice mentalizing in real time.
We check assumptions. You’ll learn to ask, “What else could explain this?”
We build uncertainty tolerance. Not knowing what someone else is thinking is uncomfortable. Knowing what someone else is thinking is impossible.
We track patterns over time. We notice patterns and explore the past experiences, thoughts, and feelings that drive them.
We practice new ways of responding. As mentalizing strengthens, you'll likely notice more pauses, curiosity, and flexibility with yourself and others.
Strengthening mentalizing is a long-term process. MBT helps you build a lasting skill; it’s not a quick fix. We’ll move through it together, at your pace.
We’ll do it together.
Clients describe me as a good listener, warm, insightful, direct, transparent, thoughtful, and deeply caring. My hope is that you will always feel that I am in it with you. I'll meet you where you are with everything I've got.
